I’m going to stop posting or checking in here pretty soon – new site address is:
Please come and say hello!
Don’t forget to come find me at http://www.sprogblogger.com
1. We haven’t lost all our magnolia petals despite the rain. Such a rainy spring! Other folks are complaining, but I’m from the desert. This is the best kind of treat, waking up to another rainy day!
2. The gardenia I bought at the farmers’ market is perfuming the whole house. It smells like my grandmama’s backyard, and that always makes me happy.
3. A full day of writing ahead of me. Let’s see if I can actually get some work done, or if I just arse around on the internets all day long…
4. I’m starting to plan a few baby-related knitting projects. This is exciting, since it’s been a while since I’ve knit anything at all. Maybe I’ll get really inspired and make a baby-quilt, too. Listen to the optimist, spitting in the face of the fates by making plans like this!
5. I think that because this all still feels so unreal, my decision to treat this as a pregnancy which will of course succeed, is easier than it would be if it were an IVF pregnancy. Because the circumstances were so weird, my mind feels free to believe that this is nothing like the other pregnancies, that it is, in fact, my first real pregnancy. Stupid, I know, but I’m a bit in awe of my lack of superstition right now, before I’ve so much as seen a yolk sac. Ticker on my website, blithely buying yarn (in non gender-specific colors!) – you’d think I’d never lost a baby before…
I like the feeling.
And I’m not going in to the RE’s today. Why? you ask. Because I want to have two extra days under my belt (ahem) when I do go under the wand, so that I have a better chance of seeing something encouraging.
Besides, I think Dr. Bigshot is in today and tomorrow, whereas I know my doc is in on Wednesday. If I have to hear bad news, I want to hear it from someone human.
It’s all about hedging your bets, see.
At this point, I have no idea what to attribute to the PIO & what to credit the pregnancy with, but my bosoms are swollen. Make that SWOLLEN!
And tender. Tender like I was wishing for, symptom-wise a few days ago. Can I take that back now, please? I was just foolin’… Ouch.
A bit of intestinal distress last night had me convinced for about three minutes that I was in the middle of miscarrying, the cramps were so bad. Then I calmed down enough to realize that a) there was no blood anywhere, and b) wrong kind of cramps. All appears to be well, or at least that’s what I’m going with until I’m forced to believe otherwise. Of course, that didn’t stop my unconscious from playing out different miscarriage scenes at least 5 different ways last night.
It was a rough night in general. One of our carbon monoxide alarm (we have several since we sleep in the basement with the heater, furnace, and other monoxide-producing gadgets) went off at 5am and we spent several befuddled minutes trying to figure out which one it was so we could see if it just needed new batteries. Sure enough. Still too tightly wound (and cold from the window we opened just.in.case) to get back to sleep for another hour, my brain entertained me by insisting that I was miscarrying right then & there.
I was so dopey from interrupted sleep that I got up and checked, um, 4 or 5 times.
All is well. This morning I’m sleepy, but fine.
Looking forward to (and simultaneously dreading) Wednesday’s appointment. Oh please, let everything be going ok in there!
Oh, and don’t forget I’m moving! http://www.sprogblogger.com
Except for The Hunger.
Veins have eased their strangle-hold on the girls. I’m still ravenously hungry, though, despite eating pancakes not half an hour ago. This could be a very dangerous sign of things to come, folks.
Why, if I’m only going to be allowed one early pregnancy symptom, does it have to be the weight-gain-producing symptom? Why not shiny hair? How about that ever-elusive “glow”? Or even a bit of ‘no doubt about it’ nausea?
Off to play with the website.
Please remember to come over to my new site at http://www.sprogblogger.com/
1. It’s warm out – unlike yesterday, which, despite its promising beginning, turned into a wicked cold day. And the magnolias are blooming. And it’s a dog park day. And all’s right with my world ie: it’s not winter anymore!
2. Pancakes. Fast & dirty pancakes, eaten as soon as they come out of the frying pan. I need to cook this sort of breakfast more often. It hardly takes longer than toast, and it’s so much more fun.
3. Another fun day ahead of me working on the website, playing with the dog, and maybe getting a bit of cooking done. It’s a good day already.
4. I don’t know – everything just feels good today. I’m cheerful, the boy is cheerful, the stepdaughter was in a good mood last night. Things just feel ok – no, more than ok. It feels like everything’s as it should be. I think this is that “happiness” I’ve heard so much about…
5. I’m going to buy flowers for the yard on Tuesday, and I’m very excited about it. Flowers are good. Springtime is good. Damn, I hope everything works out. If I have to fall back into the pits of depression from this height, it’s really going to leave some bruises…
I’ll be posting to both sites for the next week or so before I pull the plug on this one, but the import/export feature is giving me grief about bringing over your comments. And I want to keep your comments with the proper posting. See, it feels to me like a conversation, not so much a monologue.
But basically, WordPress thinks I’m too wordy, so I’m heading over there right away instead of waiting til it’s perfect.
The widgets & header, etc. are still works in progress, but the content will go up each day, just like it does here.
Hope to see you in my new digs!
Veins & hunger.
Veins have totally taken over the girls. No wonder they got tender yesterday. Like being bra-ed by an octopus. Or a squid, perhaps.
In other monster-news, the hunger is starting to take over my life. I’m trying really hard not to gain weight til it’s, er, going to something other than me, since I gained over ten pounds this year with the IVFs. So I’m trying not to give in to the urge to eat everything in sight just because – hey! I’m pregnant!
The Hunger may, however, need a new name. Something scarier like “ravening, out of control monster of doom that must be placated lest lives be lost”.
Oh, and I finally did it. I wasn’t going to. I went to the green market, and it was green, and I bought a gardenia and a little spiky cactus/succulent thing with flowers and some maple candy and then I saw it across the busy street.
Babies R Us.
I’ve never been inside one, so help me. It’s terrifying, it’s huge, and everyone in there is sprogged up, or with someone who is.
It was incredibly seductive.
I have a feeling I’d better buy a bunch of baby stuff to have on hand to assuage these feelings of rampant consumerism so that I won’t have to use the husband’s money, post-sprog, to buy them. I feel a deep desire for a baby-wipe warmer coming to take over my rational mind. Must. Warm. Baby-Wipes. And the strollers – dear lord, the tricked-out strollers…
I bought nothing, but if all goes well, I’ll be back in several months with a credit card in hand to bedevil my poor long-suffering husband. Whaddya mean no child of yours needs 35 different “adorable outfits”?!?
I may have found my new hobby…