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Archive for the ‘Days of Grace in Small Things’ Category

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1.  We haven’t lost all our magnolia petals despite the rain.  Such a rainy spring!  Other folks are complaining, but I’m from the desert.  This is the best kind of treat, waking up to another rainy day!

2.  The gardenia I bought at the farmers’ market is perfuming the whole house.  It smells like my grandmama’s backyard, and that always makes me happy.

3.  A full day of writing ahead of me.  Let’s see if I can actually get some work done, or if I just arse around on the internets all day long…

4.  I’m starting to plan a few baby-related knitting projects.  This is exciting, since it’s been a while since I’ve knit anything at all.  Maybe I’ll get really inspired and make a baby-quilt, too.  Listen to the optimist, spitting in the face of the fates by making plans like this!  

5.  I think that because this all still feels so unreal, my decision to treat this as a pregnancy which will of course succeed, is easier than it would be if it were an IVF pregnancy.  Because the circumstances were so weird, my mind feels free to believe that this is nothing like the other pregnancies, that it is, in fact, my first real pregnancy.  Stupid, I know, but I’m a bit in awe of my lack of superstition right now, before I’ve so much as seen a yolk sac.  Ticker on my website, blithely buying yarn (in non gender-specific colors!) – you’d think I’d never lost a baby before…

I like the feeling.

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1.  It’s warm out – unlike yesterday, which, despite its promising beginning, turned into a wicked cold day.  And the magnolias are blooming.  And it’s a dog park day.  And all’s right with my world ie: it’s not winter anymore!

2.  Pancakes.  Fast & dirty pancakes, eaten as soon as they come out of the frying pan.  I need to cook this sort of breakfast more often.  It hardly takes longer than toast, and it’s so much more fun.

3.  Another fun day ahead of me working on the website, playing with the dog, and maybe getting a bit of cooking done.  It’s a good day already.

4.  I don’t know – everything just feels good today.  I’m cheerful, the boy is cheerful, the stepdaughter was in a good mood last night.  Things just feel ok – no, more than ok.  It feels like everything’s as it should be.  I think this is that “happiness” I’ve heard so much about…

5.  I’m going to buy flowers for the yard on Tuesday, and I’m very excited about it.  Flowers are good.  Springtime is good.  Damn, I hope everything works out.  If I have to fall back into the pits of depression from this height, it’s really going to leave some bruises…

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1.  Warm windy wonderful spring!  There were thunderstorms yesterday, and they’re forecast again for today.  Yay for spring!

2.  Both magnolia trees are abloom now.  I’ll try to get a picture later to post, because, really, this is too good to keep all to myself.

3.  Tea and toast for breakfast.  

4.  The prospect of going up to Connecticut to watch the dog run through acres & acres of meadow for hours on end.  She’d be tired just thinking about it, but I’m getting excited!  

5.  The sicky-sweet frosted bunny cookie my husband brought me last night.  It wasn’t very good, and yet it was delicious.  I liked eating its eye (gob of bright blue frosting.)

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1. My dog, apparently, enjoyed yesterday’s sunshine out on the deck all by herself.  I was not at home to witness this, but the boy emailed me with the momentous news.  This is significant because it has taken her almost 7 months of living with us to be comfortable enough to want to be in a place where we are not.  It means she is finally starting to  trust that we will still be there, even if she cannot see us at the moment.  It means she is happy.  Which makes me happy.

2.  No bleeding, no major cramping, no nothing unpleasant or frightening.  It doesn’t really matter.  I’m still terrified.  But at least I’m not terrified and in pain.  I’ll take my gains where I can get them…

3.  Today is my last day of work for a week.  I am beside myself with happiness regarding this time off.  Whatever’s going on inside me, it’s nice to not be at work next week.

4.  The little star magnolia is in full flower in the back yard.  Makes this dreary wet weather almost worth it, since the pale pink flowers really show up beautifully against the dreariness.  

5.  The boy picked me up from work last night just so I’d think he’s sweet & wonderful & all things good.  It worked.

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1.  Whipped honey.  Creamy and smooth, and somehow sweeter than regular old honey.  Oh my.

2.  Oil slicks outside.  It rained last night, and all the oil drippings on the streets are making rainbows.

3.  Having a dog – a lazy dog – to lie abed with while waiting for my medicine to dissolve, makes an annoying part of the morning less annoying.  

4.  Wearing a bright orange/red sweater today to counteract the grey, dismal day outside.  It does, actually, make me feel warmer…

5.  I’m reading a Charlotte Bronte book I’d never before read – Villette.  It’s quite good and makes me dread my subway ride much less.

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1.  The smaller of the two magnolia trees is blooming out back.  Spring really is right around the corner.

2.  PIO’s starting to take effect, so at least I feel somewhat pregnant.  Still not sure that today someone’s not going to jump into my face from a closet somewhere, waving a camera and shrieking, “Surprise!  It was all an April Fool’s joke!  Were you fooled?”

3.  I am slowly but surely building up a full set of silver from my grandmother’s wedding pattern.  She left me an eight piece set with everything from olive forks to iced tea spoons, but oddly lacking cream-soup spoons, and so I’m adding soup spoons as well as more place settings for the 11 & 12 person family gatherings we sometimes host.  eBay is a wonderful thing for hunting down silly things like antique soup spoons, and it feels like such a strong connection to my grandmother every time I add a piece to her collection.  I don’t think I’ll ever use the olive forks, though…

4.  Only three days left before I get a bunch of days off.  I am rather looking forward to this holiday…

5.  I hope to have my new web site up & running after my holiday.  It’s taking longer than I’d hoped because I’ve been a bit, er, distracted this past week.  Hoping to get it going in a week or so, and I’m looking forward to the creativity factor quite a bit.  I love having a project.

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1.  I’m grateful I passed one hurdle (positive pregnancy test) without even knowing I was jumping over it.  Because yesterday’s waiting for the second beta test nearly killed me.  I’m grateful – oh my, am I grateful! – just sayin’ that sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

2.  Grateful that next week’s time off is going to be interrupted by one OB appointment, but that it’s mostly just going to be time off.  I get to go up to Connecticut for Easter, which means my dog can run through the fields and come back, panting and happy, after trying and failing to catch squirrels.  It’s going to be nice.

3.  The midwife I want to use isn’t filled up yet, so I managed to get my first prenatal appointment scheduled for the end of the month.  Which means she’ll be able to “take my case”.  Always a concern, since there are only a few midwives I really clicked with last time I looked, and I feel strongly about wanting to go the midwife route.

4.  Boy surprised me by picking me up from work yesterday.  Because he’s a dear.  And because although he might not be as gushy about all this as I am, he really wants to do anything he can to make sure I have what I need to get through this as free from stress as possible.  He knows how much I resent the subway ride, so he spared me that yesterday.  He’s the best.

5.  Carrot cake – even squashed, upside down, mushed into the top of the cake-dome – is really wonderful.  I love it, and youngest stepdaughter does, too.  I’ll have to remember & make it just for her (and then not drop it) one of these days.

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