Archive for October, 2008

So, I had my appointment this morning with – Dr. Bigshot!  Some of you may remember that he’s the one who failed to find the fetus still hanging around in my bleeding uterus a month after the miscarriage.  You might also remember he’s the fellow who cavalierly diagnosed “the worst case of adenomyosis” he’d ever seen, on the basis of a 2 minute US and told me that the best way to deal with it would be to get pregnant.  Not my favorite guy at the clinic, despite his Bigshot-status.

Today, he once again offered up that diagnosis, DESPITE the words “no MRI evidence of adenomyosis” being on the front page of my chart.  I mean, really, I know it’s an assembly line set-up there, but if the techs and the nurses can manage to remember my name and case, surely the doctor should be willing to read the most recent entry in a chart before letting his mouth run on?  I didn’t want his ridiculous statement to actually be entered in my file, so I set him straight and had the satisfaction of watching the nurse cross out the transcript of his words (which felt better than it should have.)  And gently (no, really!) reminded him that his last US also failed to accurately diagnose the cause of my two-month hemmorhage. 

He couldn’t find pathology results from the genetic testing after the D&C, nor could he tell me why Lovenox was prescribed this time around.  He’s guessing it’s a prophylactic measure, but I’ll wait to talk to my doctor before believing that one.   

What a putz.  But, he found antral follicles on both ovaries, and the DHEA hasn’t yet provoked any weird cysts or fibroids anywhere (at least not that he could find), so unless I hear otherwise in my bloodwork results at 4:00, we’re a go for the start of IVF cycle #2! 

I’ll start Lupron tonight, and then starting on the 2nd, I’ll move up to 2 Bravelle and 1 Menapur + the 2 Lupron each day.  Blech. 

Woohoo.  Needles and blood thinners and steroids, here I come!

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The boy’s on his way to Calgary.

My cycle started at about 10 this morning, just after the time I might have considered going into the clinic & claiming, “No, really, it started last night…”

Good news is, of course, that it DID arrive, because I’d be beyond pissed if it started on, say, Saturday, when I’d’ve been fine waiting til Monday to go in.  

So I’ll go in tomorrow, and probably start Lupron & the orals tomorrow night.  Glad to be moving forward on this, even though it’s a major inconvenience right now.


So I went to work today, and will go to work again on Friday and again on Saturday.  And I get to pull a Saturday shift NEXT weekend too, to pay for the privilege of having been away this weekend.


Nellie, on the other hand, is absolutely delighted that she won’t have to survive on her own wits for the rest of her life.  She’s been alone in the house since, 2:00 – an entire 4 hours – and she was quite sure that she was going to be eaten by wolves or something.  Interestingly enough, nothing seems to have been damaged.  However, it’s still early days since she is currently rushing around the house, thrilled not to be alone.  And that’s after her walk.  Wish I had so much energy.  

The kennel I was going to board her at charged me for a full day, which is a cancellation fee I can understand; but they also charged me an extra $5 that they charge for the inconvenience of having an unspayed female in the kennel.  Which I’d’ve been happy to pay if she’d been there, but to charge me the “extra inconvenience” fee for a dog who isn’t there struck me as venal in the extreme.  I’m not sure we’ll go there.  There are cheaper kennels, even in this outrageously expensive city.

On the grimmer side, an acquaintance at work warned all of us quietly that he heard from friends that the Bloods were planning a rampage tomorrow night.  A rampage against – guess who? – women.  31 random women.  His info has tended to be good in the past, and his connections are the real thing, so I’ll likely take him seriously and lay sort of low tomorrow night.  God I hate this city.  Hate the battle-mentality.  Hate even having to think of curtailing my activities because of this sort of fear.   

And now I’m off to console myself with an order of takeout PadThai, which is one of the reasons I love this city.  Good takeout just about on every street corner.  Yum.

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*sigh*  This is my life.  And the worst of it is that if I don’t get to go to Calgary, I’ll have to go to work.  So instead of flying to a foreign country, meeting up with interesting people I haven’t seen in a year or so, instead of being all dreamy and romantic with the boy (since this is, to all intents and purposes, the event where we first met,) I’ll be packing a pb&j & getting on the subway on Friday to put in another day at work.

Talk about a bummer.

Because it’s not like I can just stay home for my scheduled days off, (which opportunity I’d kind of jump at) because this was to be a work-sanctioned/sponsored conference, so I was being paid to attend.  So I’ll need to go in, if I don’t fly out.

Talk about a bummer.

On the happier side, the billing specialist at the clinic called to tell me that my insurance is covering this IVF attempt, which is good news, anyway.  Especially since I’m never going to see my fairly pricey plane fare again, damnit.

Come on innards – cooperate for a change!

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That is the sound of a woman who is not, for a change, bleeding.

At all.


I would have given a lot, over the summer, to have found myself writing those words, but right now?  All I wanna do is start this damned cycle AND go to Calgary.  Is this really too much to ask?


Ahem.  (deep breath).  

Ok.  Everything could still be ok.  I have tomorrow off, and we don’t have to leave the house until about 3:30 on Thursday.  So, I could, conceivably (so to speak) go in for my baseline measurements on Thursday am and still have time to get on the plane in the pm.  I can bring my meds, and wait for the message that tells me what to take & how much.  I am, after all, an old pro at injections.  So really, as long as something comes through for me tomorrow, there’s no problem.   

Nope, no problem at all except I’m likely to die from anxiety long before Thursday, the way I’m going.

ARRRGHHHH!!!  Why can’t anything about this be easy for a change???

I did meet my new boss today, and she seemed very understanding about my situation.  I almost suspect, because of something she said, that she may have gone through IVF as well.  There really are an awful lot of us out here, which is both very sad and very encouraging.  I should add that she has a 5 year old daughter – hence the encouraging bit.

On the even-more cheerful side of things, although the dog DID drag a sweater (of his) and a wool scarf (of mine) downstairs into the bedroom to keep herself company while we were both away this afternoon, she did not actually eat either item.  This is definite progress.  Definite, much welcomed progress.

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So much for this being day 1.


Because I have to go in for my baseline numbers on day 2 or 3 of my cycle, and because I’m going to be in a foreign country from the 30th through the 2nd, I figured this would be no problem because I am – and always have been – regular as the proverbial clockwork.

Tick tock.

A month and a half ago, I’d’ve given up a whole lot to stop bleeding, and now all I want to do is to start bleeding again.

With my luck, I’ll start my period on one of the two days that would make it impossible to get into my clinic on day 2 or 3, necessitating a one-month delay, which will foul up Thanksgiving. Or I could put it off two months, which would foul up Christmas. Damned holidays. As it is, the thought of staying home from WFC to go have a fifteen minute exam just irritates the hell out of me, though I’ll probably do it, if nothing happens in the next couple of days. I’m not sure I should stay on DHEA for another month or two. I’d need a wig, for one thing, at the rate I’m shedding…

Plus, you know, getting a bit antsy here.

Needles! Give me needles!

Damn. Going to go to the bathroom to check again. (Why do I feel like my entire reproductive system is holding the phone away from their mouths and smothering giggles as they laugh at me? Why do I feel more conspired against than I have since, say, middle school?)

Grrr. And quit snickering in the background, uterus. I can hear you, you know. Hanging up now…

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Day 7. A good day.

And here’s hoping for the beginning of my cycle tomorrow.  

I’ve been on the Climara patches for a week now.  They’ve totally ameliorated the DHEA effects, as far as nasty taste & inclination to eat anything not nailed down.  Still losing hair in the shower, but not so much.  Face is clear, as it usually is pre-period.  Don’t know if it’s just natural cycling or extra hormonal goodness going on there.  But I’ll take it.  

Spent the day introducing the dog to the wonders of the beach.  She hasn’t opened her eyes since we dragged her home.  I’ve never seen her so delighted – or so tired.  She ran back and forth between us as we spread out on the beach, ears flapping, tongue lolling, utterly happy with herself for figuring out the game.  If owning a whippet is like having a toddler, I can’t wait to have a toddler  (though perhaps without the bedspread destruction feature included).  We went and bought DVD shelves to be delivered in about three weeks.  Had to pass on a delivery date the week of November 9 since I’ll be dealing with way too much medical stuff then to be worried about “who’s going to be home for the delivery guy.”  But I’m pleased to have bought furniture together (our first married purchase!) and even more pleased since it means all the dvds & vhs tapes I brought to this partnership will finally be accessible in the room where we watch tv, instead of being down a few flights of stairs in the basement.  

Then home to catch up on blog reading and laundry.  Boy is making spaghetti upstairs, and the whole house smells of sausage and oregano.  Good things, all.  

Again I say, “If every day could be like this, I wouldn’t have much left to ask of life.”

A good day.

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Day five.


A blustery day, so the first homemade clam-chowder of the season with what will probably be the last asparagus of the season.  A day of cooking and writing – how wonderful an autumn day is that?  Answer: in my world, that counts as a muy wonderful day, indeed.

And Nellie hasn’t eaten anything she shouldn’t all day long.  (what a good dog!) And we went to the dog park, where she spent a happy hour or so watching all the other dogs having fun while she stood near us pining like the unpopular kid at prom who hangs out with the chaperones instead of dancing.  Poor Nellie.  But she did get a few good sprints in.  Impressed the hell out of a Boston Terrier who was trying to keep up.  And tomorrow, if the weather is better than today, we’ll go out to the beach and let her run.  Put the fear of Dog into all the seagulls.  Watch her encounter salt water for the first time – always entertaining.  Boy’s at a fundraising party tonight, which I am staying home from.  So it’ll likely be a movie & popcorn sort of evening.  WIth the dog.  And knitting or quilting.  Maybe a bit of exercising, just for the hell of it.

Other than that, not much going on – certainly nothing happening on the IVF front.  Next week is when things get interesting again.  Just in a holding pattern for now, and only worth remarking on because I am, for a change, fairly contented to be in said holding pattern.  If all days could be like today, I’d have very little to ask for from life.

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