…wants to apologize for the GiddyPregnantLady tone of this blog, which it’s had since Friday, and which it’s probably going to have for as long as this giddy-producing pregnancy lasts.
Believe me, I’m not insensitive to the fact that most – if not all – of the people reading this are in the throes of dealing with the shit-hell that is infertility. And reading about the unexpected good fortune of a fellow-IVFer coupled with said IVFer’s annoying giddiness, has got to be about as trying as showing up to a clinic appointment and having to wade through a sea of toddlers in the waiting room. (Why oh why do women feel that infertile women won’t mind babysitting another woman’s kids while waiting for their own appointment?)
I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t want to be like those women, but I also haven’t been able to find a babysitter for all these emotions on such short notice. I’m over the moon – obviously. I’m also terrified that something will happen, I mean, hell, isn’t there a bus (or maybe just a bit of hemorrhaging) out there right now with my name on it, now that I’ve let myself get happy? I don’t feel at all deserving of such a massive stroke of luck, but I also feel like I owe it to Proto-sprog to be as excited as if I weren’t afraid at all.
But I’m a group player. I want BFPs for everyone, damnit, followed by uneventful 8 months with fat, happy babies at the end of it all. I want this for everyone.
And I know it’s weird whenever an IF blog turns into a pregnancy blog, as this one appears to be doing. I hope it won’t alienate too many readers, but I fully expect many of you to leave just because it’s no longer a blog that speaks to your experience, which is normal. But that makes me sad. I have come to depend on this community of women (and man – hi Will!) to help me get through the unbelieveably shitty times as well as celebrating the good times.
I can’t thank you enough for celebrating with me. It’s way too early for the boy to feel comfortable even saying the P-word, and he certainly doesn’t want to do the happy-dances I’ve been indulging in every chance I get.
But you all did. You left generous comments of congratulations and celebration and you made my day. Whatever happens with this, however long this pregnancy lasts, however many of you stay with me til the end, please know how much I’ve appreciated your support in this best of times. It’s meant the world to me being able to smile with someone. Thank you.