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Posts Tagged ‘pregnancy’

Back to semi-normal.

Except for The Hunger.  

Veins have eased their strangle-hold on the girls.  I’m still ravenously hungry, though, despite eating pancakes not half an hour ago.  This could be a very dangerous sign of things to come, folks.  

Why, if I’m only going to be allowed one early pregnancy symptom, does it have to be the weight-gain-producing symptom?  Why not shiny hair?  How about that ever-elusive “glow”?  Or even a bit of ‘no doubt about it’ nausea?  

Off to play with the website.

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Again I say

Thank you.  This time, it’s for your words of support when I told you how conflicted I feel gushing on & on about how happy I am, etc. etc.  I guess I really did want permission to feel good about this.  That’s a sad state of affairs, but thank you for granting it to me anyway!

Let’s see, pregnancy symptoms!  Not really much of anything.  A little tender, a little teeny tiny if-I-squint-my-eyes bit darker, but nothing like last time.  Face is clearing up, which I’m taking as a good hormonal sign.  A bit queasy yesterday, but that may very well have been from the fried cassava & plantains at lunch.  

And then there’s the cramping.  I know it’s a good sign.  I know it means that things are just adjusting themselves to little proto-sprog, but it scares me, each time I use the toilet, that I’m going to see blood.  Don’t imagine that fear will go away, even though that’s not how my miscarriage played out.   In my mind, cramps = blood, and blood = bad thing.  

I do have to say, though, that it’s driving me absolutely batshit having no concrete idea how old this pregnancy is.  I want to be able to list weeks & dates, damn it.  I don’t even know what week we’re on, ferchrissake.  Week 5?  Week 6?  We’re talking about the difference between a sesame seed and a lentil, damn it.  It makes a difference!!! 

So I’m hoping that at next week’s appointment we’ll be able to see the yolk sac, etc. in my uterus where it belongs, but also that we’ll be able to date this pregnancy a bit more accurately.  Because truly, this is making me crazy not knowing how far along things are.  If I extrapolate backwards, I think I’m looking at the beginning of my adjusted 5th week.  Or so.  But I want it exact, damn it.  

Must skedaddle on to work.  God, I miss my coffee.  I took myself off even the ghost of caffeine that is in decaf, and I miss the taste as much as I miss the energy hit.  Doesn’t help that my dreams have been crazy intense, and so I feel like I’ve already done plenty today, thanks anyway.  

The teenagers in my charge disagree, though.  On to video games!  (And they pay me for this?)

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hCG = 817

That means it’s doubling every 41 hours, or every 1.7 days.

Folks, it’s looking good.

Poor proto-sprog number one never doubled in 48 hours.  72, yes, but never in 48.  Proto-sprog number two started out slow, then picked up the pace once she got comfy in my tube.

Proto-sprog three seems to have figured out where to go and what to do now that he’s there.

Oh my god.  I’m pregnant.  I go in for an OB scan next week.  After that, I think they’re planning on releasing me to an OB or midwife.

Oh my god.  I’m pregnant.  This is not going to feel real until I get some symptoms, though.  Hell, who am I kidding?  It’s not going to feel real til I’m holding sprog in my arms.

Please, keep your fingers crossed for me, folks.  I am now, officially, over-the-moon happy.  Been a very long time since I’ve felt like this.

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Blood drawn, fingers crossed

Should hear this afternoon what my hCG numbers are, whether they’re rising appropriately.  Come on, little milagra, you can do it! Stick around!

They haven’t called yet.

Still waiting.

Ugh, it’s going to be a long day.

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Um, 5w2d? 4w3d?

Someone get me an ultrasound measurement so I know how far along I am, fer crying out loud.  This is ridiculous.  I don’t feel pregnant.  I mean, I really don’t – not just me being incredulous.  

  • Boobs aren’t sore at all.  Not even like premenstrually sore.  Which was how I knew my period wasn’t showing up any time soon.  (Isn’t women’s intuition a marvelous thing?)  
  • Skin isn’t clear the way it gets when I’m pg.  Hell, it’s not even luteal-phase clear, which is a drag.  I’m going to blame that on the DHEA, though, since it’s gotten better in the last couple of days.  
  • Not peeing more than usual.  Not even when I’m guzzling water out of a fear that I’m getting dehydrated.
  • Not more tired than usual, though really, that would be hard to gauge.  I’m always exhausted.  
  • No nausea, unless you count the quite understandable urge to yech when pulling half-frozen turkey innards out of a half-frozen turkey.  (If the boy ever starts to doubt my deep and abiding love for him, I will cite making him a turkey dinner as evidence in my favor.  Turkeys just look [and smell] so much like dead birds, you know?)

Seriously, folks, I need to be able to identify me some symptoms fast, or I’m going to start believing this was all some cosmic cock-up on the part of the lab that did my blood work.  I half believe that anyway.  April Fools day is next week, yes?  Talk about a hell of a prank to play on the infertile woman…

Enough of the paranoia.

I’m off to start the shopping trip.  Wish me luck, and the strength to get past the baby aisles without buying one of everything…

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lupron & the three-headed sprog

Ok, so Dr. Google offered up the information that taking Lupron after ovulation begins does not actually lead to a higher risk of birth defects, it leads to a higher risk of miscarriage, due to the effects Lupron has on the pituitary, endometrium, etc.

Hence the supplementary PIO + prometrium pessaries.

I feel better now.  Not fantastic (and, damn! I wish it had even occurred to me to take a PG test last week!) but better about Lupron-sprog’s chances.

Maybe she’ll only have two heads?

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Well, I’ve had my first official freak-out.  Less than 12 hours since I found out.  I woke up in the middle of the night feeling a little, um, damp.  Damp and sticky.  Obviously a miscarriage.  So I ran to the bathroom, swallowing sobs.  

Oh yeah.  Pessaries.  Ahem.  Going back to sleep now…

It’s official – I’m a dope.

And I’ve decided to be stupidly happy and giddy for this weekend.  How’s that for dopiness?  I’ll face reality if it’s necessary on Monday, but the next two days?  They’re mine to be a happy, newly pregnant woman.  I’m pretending I’m normal, see?  I’ll let you know how that works out…

I peed on a stick this morning.  You knew I would.  Just doesn’t feel real until I see the little blinky hourglass, somehow.  Sure enough.  

pregnant1

 

 

 

 

 

Clear Blue agrees, so it must be true.  (sorry for the crap photo.  My camera is out of batteries & I wanted to be SURE I got a shot of the magic word.  Yay for Apple’s photo booth!)

I’m looking forward to tomorrow – the boy’s birthday celebration is tomorrow, and we’re having a traditional turkey dinner with all the fixings.  Which will be fun in a kitchen zen sort of way, and lots of fun in an eat-a-lot sort of way.  I’ll be turning down wine, which will raise eyebrows, but won’t – obviously – be saying anything.  Hell, this time I won’t be saying anything til it’s obvious that I’m not just getting too chubby for my own good.  Shoot, maybe I won’t say anything until I actually go into labor… Hmmm.  Might be wise.

But I will call my own mom today.  She’s been grieving with me, so she deserves a weekend of happy as much as I do.  

Off to read what other people have been up to – and on that note – thank you, you’all for your congratulations.  It means an awful lot to me.  I promise to keep you posted…

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